Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Would you want to read more?

a story:



Jennifer drummed her fingers against the laptop. How many minutes had it been again? She checked the clock. 2. She wasn’t sure she could survive this. Determined to distract herself, she stared at the advert she had typed onto the word document.



Does your child need a tooth fairy?

Jenny the tooth fairy can visit your house at night, and trade your child’s tooth

for some special surprises.

What more could your child want?

At only £ per tooth, call Jennifer on 07718 988676



Filling in the number next to the pound sign was difficult. And she didn’t know if her advert even made sense. Would any mother in their right mind do that? The word mother made her glance at the clock again. Still two minutes to go. Her fingers drummed themselves on the laptop again. Suddenly, her phone started to ring. She jumped, knocking pencils onto the floor.

“Hello?”

“Hi babe, it’s me”

“Oh, Jon, good, look, how much would you pay for some…”

“Look, right now Jen I need some help”

“Eh?”

“The vans broken down”

“Again?”

“Again. Can you pick me up?”

“I guess. You’re at the merchants?”



And with a nod, Jennifer stuffed her mobile into her bag and headed for the door. She didn’t notice the clock.



Jennifer’s Mini Cooper screeched into the parking space next to her boyfriends’ disabled van. He smiled at her and leaned in the window.

“Jack said he can wait with the van for the insurance company to ring back, since I told him we had an evening planned”

“Cool. Have you given him the keys?” Jennifer raised an eyebrow.

Jon turned round and chucked a pair of keys over to his plumbers mate. Jennifer sighed, knowing that if she hadn’t have said that they would have gone home only to get another phone call from Jack, asking where Jon had left the keys. Jon Hatman did his seatbelt up and turned the radio up full blast, drowning out Jennifer’s attempt at conversation. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel as she started the engine, but she had forgotten why the butterflies in her stomach where there.



As Jennifer pulled up to the driveway of their house, she felt a sudden wave of nausea come over her. Without taking the key out, she grabbed for the door and stumbled out onto the weedy lawn. Jon turned off the engine as his girlfriend stood heaving in their front garden. After a minute or so, Jennifer straightened herself up and opened the front door to the house. She felt tired, and quickly found refuge on the sofa under a blanket from the night before. Jon made his way into the kitchen, where Jennifer’s work still lay on the table. He began to read off her laptop screen out loud, and Jennifer switched the telly on to drown him out.



Jon filled in the blank space next to the pound sign with a 5, then closed her laptop. He grabbed a coke from the humming fridge (it didn’t have long left by the sounds of it) and made his way to the island in the middle of the kitchen, reaching for the radio. But something stopped him. Something small, sat upright in a plastic cup. He lifted it, and read the result aloud.



“F…four weeks?” Jennifer stammered.

Jon chucked the pregnancy test onto the kitchen table. “Unless I need glasses” he said dryly.

She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. “You’re not happy?” she sniffed.

“I don’t know what the hell I am…I thought you were taking the pills!” he spat.

“But I forgot, not that it matters now” Jennifer said, trying to stand up for herself.

“Not that it matters?! Of course it matters! It’s another bloody human being!” Jon yelled, making Jennifer shrink further behind her laptop. Without warning, Jon stormed out the front door.



Jennifer ran her fingers along the test. It was real. It was 99% percent accurate.

How could she forget?

Well, she had been busy with her new job.

Stupid! Don’t try and wriggle out of it now!

It was all her fault.

And now you have to deal with it!

Her elbow knocked the mouse and her laptop flashed back to life. Five pounds per tooth? That didn’t seem so bad. Perhaps it would work. She hit print, and headed upstairs to switch the printer in the spare room on.

Won’t be spare for long.

It spat out pieces of paper. Too many. “****!” Jennifer cursed as she jabbed the cancel button. Suddenly, the nausea overwhelmed her again. She ran for the bathroom. Staring into the toilet bowl, she realised what this meant. No more lay ins, no more full nights sleep, and no more gorgeous body (if her mum had taught her anything it was that kids ruined your body image). Was motherhood for her? Or was she best suited to tip toeing into spoilt kid’s bedrooms to deliver things under their pillows because their parents were too rich to do it themselves? Which reminded Jennifer that she had a job booked tonight, and also made her wonder why she was still on her knees in the bathroom when she had a life to be getting on with.



honest opinions, and real answers only plz.Would you want to read more?
I couldn't finish it. The tooth fairy job was too weird and would hardly work in real life. I don't like the plot, it's so overdone.Would you want to read more?
That's really good! I don't like the cursing though. You also didn't tell us ages or anything. But it was a very interesting storyWould you want to read more?
I liked it... I would keep reading.. you should make it into a thriller. Also you should focus more on keeping to jennifers pov. If she forgets something don't remind the reader of it. Its better when you make us wonder what she nervous about, let us forget, and then bam we find out something big.

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