Does my story sound okay?

%26lt;Lol, please don't get scared; I know it looks long but it's really a short story. I'd appreciate it if you cared to take a look...%26gt;



For english, we're supposed to write our own mythical stories and because I'm not a good writer or something, I came up with the following story. If there's anything that should be added (preferably something witty or funny) or fixed, please let me know.





One day in the hot and sunny town of Oakville, a girl was playing with her toys on her front lawn.

“Clo-ver!” Her mother’s voice called.

Clover rolled her eyes and ran to to the kitchen. “Yes, Mother?”



“Ah! There you are! Listen, I need you to go to your grandmother’s; she’s going to give you a recipe for me. And while you’re at it, why don’t you return this locket to your grandmother,” She hands a shiny silver locket to Clover. “It’s definitely hers, I just found it in my old coat’s pocket.”



“Yes, mother.” Clover replies with a tired voice.



Clover sighs as she leaves the house, wanting to go back to the heated food fight between Mr. Whiskers and Mrs. Cuddles. Sometimes she just wished she was free from responsibilities and she could do anything she wanted. A couple of dogs ran past her, and thought that if being an animal was the ticket to freedom, then so be it.



She walks through the small alleys of the small town, which are stuffed with merchants and fortune tellers with their stands. As she is about to turn to her grandmother’s street. A man accidentally bumps on her, making her fall.



“Ow!” She cries as she hits the ground, dropping the locket. She struggles to get up with all the people around her. But all she can see are the quick feet around her. And the fact that all the steps together are making dust clouds isn’t helping.



“Out of the way!”



“Get up, girl!” The people exclaim around her.



Clover rises with a feeling of guilt and anxiety deep in her throat. The locket is gone!



She walks away from the busy crowd and tries to make up a plan.



“It’s useless!” She says to herself. “Nothing’s going to make that locket appear again. But, oh! The madness that is waiting for me at home!”



And just as she heads to her mother’s to tell her the news, a voice stops her frozen on the spot.



“Not so fast there, girl; I saw what happened.” Clover turns around to find no one, and then she looks down.



A cat with velvety black fur and green eyes stares back at her own.



Clover pinches her right arm. Ouch! Definitely not dreaming.



“Do you want some help or not?” The cat hisses at her.



“Who are you? How can you talk? Where did-” Clover begins.



“I’m Cleo, and I’m a magician stuck in a cat’s body if that’s what you were going to ask.” The cat interrupts. “I can perform a couple of tricks with these paws, believe it or not. I saw that you’ve lost that precious silver locket you were carrying. I know a a spell that’ll bring it back sound and safe.”



The cat then added a big smile that looked kind of friendly and sinister at the same time.



Clover, not even hesitating replied, “Yes, please, kind...cat!”



Cleo smiled even wider and then said, “May I remind you, not all things in this world are free and easy, I do want something in return.”



“What?” Cried Clover with a pout. “What do I have that I can give you? I’ve got nothing!”



“Yes, you do, silly girl. Look at yourself and then back at me, what have you got that I don’t?”



Clover looks down at herself and than at the cat.



“Clothes?” She guesses.



The cat jumps. “No! You’ve got hands and feet! A body. A real body!”



“So?” Clover shrugs.



“So we can trade bodies and in return, the locket will be all yours.”



Clover stops and thinks for a minute, and she realizes that her freedom wasn’t so far away! If she trades bodies, she would be a cat, and that means no school and chores forever! And plus, she’ll get the locket back and make it back home in no time. She smiled as she thought of the many benefits she would get and nodded.



“As you wish, little girly.” Cleo smiles and Poof! As a cloud of dust disappears, there’s a beautiful young lady in place and a brown scruffy cat next to her.



And with another Poof!, a silver locket appears in the woman’s thin hands. “A promise is a promise, silly girl.” And with no other words, Cleo drops the locket next to the cat and leaves.



Clover realizes that she is, indeed, a cat and purrs in delight. It isn’t after a couple of minutes that she realizes that there is no way on earth she can deliver her grandmother’s locket or return home to enjoy her freedom as cat. And as she attempts to cry for Cleo, she also realizes that she can’t even talk, not in human language anyway. And that is why there is paper with a picture of a brown and shaggy haired girl on a wall with lots of candles around it and an alley known as the “Alley of the Melancholic Cat” in which a cat that “has always been here” resides. Or so says a beautiful young lady with black haDoes my story sound okay?
The story itself sounds interesting, but since this is an assignment I assume you won't be continuing afterwards. Still, what you have here seems really rushed. One thing I noticed is you said Clover was in the yard playing with her toys and that she was upset about leaving 'Mr.Whiskers and Mrs. Cuddles'. Excuse me if I am wrong, but Clover sounds pretty young; so what mother in their right mind would send their daughter on a journey that would have her ripping and running through an ally full of strangers? The mother doesn't have to be sane, which would explain why she'd ask her child to do something like that. *Also, if I am right about Clover being young, what kind of chores would she have that would make her wish she could be more free?* On to the next thing, sorry but here I am again at her age, but I don't think it matters here: Yes, I know losing the locket her mom gave her to give to her grandmother was important but I don't think she'd be so desperate to agree in giving her body away just to find it (and to gain freedom). I pictured that Clover would cross her arms, raise one cool eyebrow, and question the cat. Yeah, the importance of the locket would be on her mind but she'd figure out if there were other, more reasonable, options. One more thing, the word girl was getting kind of overused towards the end(?) — right after Clover got knocked down. You might take out some of those or replace them with other names.Does my story sound okay?
I don't know...there's no flow in it...It reads like you editied the crud out of it. There's a general spark of idea though...so if your graded for that alone then its pretty good.